CONTENT GUIDANCE: This blog has strong language, explores aspects of mental health, domestic violence ,drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and suicide. Please read with caution!
Ever start out having a few drinks with friends and next thing your trying to puzzle together your night? Now imagine doing that for every day for life. That some scary shit, isn’t it? There are people that live like that everyday. I call it making me numb to the world, Keeping myself from feeling and knowing my truth. If I can’t feel it then it’s not reality, right?! Well your wrong and foolish because it’s a mask you got on. Thing is nobody is fooled by it but you. Even if your friends, family, and co workers don’t say it, they all know your hurting. They are paying attention that your not on point or a little sloppy. Drinking doesn’t make it numb it makes it worse.
Heroin is not your buddy, not your partner or friend, it doesn’t love or care about you. You are a pawn in its grand scheme of wiping your ass out! My ex told me once he loved me enough that he could not and would not introduce me to it. I thank god everyday that he saved me from that demon. I truly believe that is not a battle I could have won. I watch my best friends whole world collapse around them from a baggie. I remember when Frank passed away years ago from an OD. I think I was more in shock than anything because I never thought it be him. But slowly and surely I started watching a lot of those I loved trying to make it numb.
I remember after I left my ex husband. I didn’t drink, I started living but not healing. But I put myself in an environment that opened the flood gates on that hurt. I had no mom,my marriage was over and to be honest I had no idea what I was doing. To say I was lost would be an understatement. I was wandering around with a small child by my side and I was completely afraid. So I numbed that pain and confusion. I started drinking and using coke daily to function. Because I could not allow myself to feel the hurt ever. I remember literally feeling my heart break everytime I looked at my moms picture. But if I was high or drunk it was as if it never happened. Living numb isn’t living, it’s surviving at the very least. It’s not making you numb, it’s taking you away from your babies, your family and friends. If you never feel it, then you can’t heal. It’s not making you numb, it’s killing you.
#drugabuse #heroinawareness #reallife #addiction #empowerment #alcoholaddiction #overcome #secondchance #fentanylawareness #youareworthit #loveyourself #peace
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